I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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