you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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