Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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