I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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