Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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