can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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