just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
