i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
