He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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