my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
