He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
