I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
