We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
