i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
