Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
