We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
