woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
