totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
