I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
