I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize