Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
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Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
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When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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