If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You can't special order awesome
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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