cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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