Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
