do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
