My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
