i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
