rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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