pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
