Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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