Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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