My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My feet surprised me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
