i wish my penis had a tongue
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
His nipple licking is glorious
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