Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
