Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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