apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
