First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
