Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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