You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
