clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
