no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think I am morally bankrupt
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
