I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
