It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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