On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
