OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He passed out mid-signature
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Randomize
