In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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