i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
