just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
