just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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