Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
