actually, I'm a sock model
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
