just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
