Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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