You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
please come you make the beer taste better
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
