That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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