I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
