I think I won the penis lottery.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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