walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
