Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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