Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
