Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
