Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize