Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
