I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
